Shattered

It was a hard week for so many... I wasn't sure what would come out when I sat down to write. So many have expressed their feelings so eloquently... but I still needed to put my own words on paper. 


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It was an ordinary day.

Or at least as ordinary as life gets while working in an elementary school in December. The morning passed in a blur of smiling faces, tasks completed, and departures. I took a few minutes of my quiet lunch to jump online; looking to see what other teachers and librarians were reading on this beautiful December morning.

My heart stopped.

Eyes filled with tears, I
Scanned headlines for
"Breaking News"

Images of weeping

Tiny children bundled off to
Learn
Grow
Become

Snuffed out.

Moments passed, and I
Discovered I had stopped
Breathing.


As the days pass, I find myself on edge.

Wondering.

Running "worst case scenarios" in my mind.
Would I find courage within my soul?
Or collapse in panic and fear?

Trying to decide how to talk to my third grader
Without making it worse.

Putting down an amazing book
That cuts too close.

There is no "why" that can make it okay.
There is no "what if" that can bring those little ones back.
There is no peace for me today.